There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
