it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
