the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
