Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
