One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
