I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
