Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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