I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
