I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
