So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So much rum. So many feels.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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