Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
