I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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