you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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