I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize