the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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