you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
