I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
