i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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