i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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