what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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