i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
