i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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