I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
