Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
