sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
