I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
