I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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