Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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