I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
