What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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