yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
