He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
