Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize