Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
