i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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