I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
