if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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