i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
