Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
