walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
