I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
