Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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