Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I believe in your delicious
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
