she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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