So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
