Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize