I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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