: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
You're my little dorito
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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