Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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