Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
