He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
