youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
