so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
