are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
