so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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