I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
