I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
