Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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