My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
