moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
