I think i peed on brittanys purse
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
