aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
