my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
