K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
