Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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