Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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