I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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