evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
