I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How does one acquire holy water?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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