so that wasnt chicken after all
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
