somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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