haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
