I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
