Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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