Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize