i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
